Dick MacKenzie
05-17-2007, 01:21 PM
To my dear wife,
Because I'm a man , when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle
with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is
not an option. I will win.
__________________________________________________ _____________
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop
the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.
If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to
be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a
couple of beers and break wind, as a form of male bonding.
__________________________________________________ _________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries
at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find
exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the
same thing and not a form of food.
__________________________________________________ _____________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost
me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it
back together.
__________________________________________________ _____________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my
hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a
whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by
holding a calculator instead (applies to engineers only)
__________________________________________________ _______________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking
about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports, cars or
sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so just don't ask.
__________________________________________________ ________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . and if
you are feeling amorous afterwards . . then I will certainly at
least remember the name and recommend it to others.
__________________________________________________ ________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought
what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of
shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine.
It does not make your behind look too big. It was the pasta and
potatoes and margaritas that did that. Your hair is fine. You look
fine. Can we just go now?
__________________________________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will
share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking,
the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.
Like wandering around in the garden with a beverage, wondering what
to do.
__________________________________________________ _____________
This has been a public service message for women to better understand
men.
The End
__________________
Because I'm a man , when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle
with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is
not an option. I will win.
__________________________________________________ _____________
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop
the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.
If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to
be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a
couple of beers and break wind, as a form of male bonding.
__________________________________________________ _________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries
at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find
exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the
same thing and not a form of food.
__________________________________________________ _____________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost
me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it
back together.
__________________________________________________ _____________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my
hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a
whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by
holding a calculator instead (applies to engineers only)
__________________________________________________ _______________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking
about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports, cars or
sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so just don't ask.
__________________________________________________ ________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . and if
you are feeling amorous afterwards . . then I will certainly at
least remember the name and recommend it to others.
__________________________________________________ ________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought
what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of
shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine.
It does not make your behind look too big. It was the pasta and
potatoes and margaritas that did that. Your hair is fine. You look
fine. Can we just go now?
__________________________________________________ _________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will
share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking,
the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.
Like wandering around in the garden with a beverage, wondering what
to do.
__________________________________________________ _____________
This has been a public service message for women to better understand
men.
The End
__________________