dq409
10-03-2006, 11:09 PM
Corporate Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you
$800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops
her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob
hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel
and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
"Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position
to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The
nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun
once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized
"Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun
went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look
up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish" "Me first! Me
first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a
speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. "Me next! Me
next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the
beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and
the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says
to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office
after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say. -Love this
one!!!
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,
" Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow
answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the
top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're
packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found
that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of
the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of
the tree.
Moral of the story: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.
Class Dismissed
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you
$800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops
her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob
hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel
and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
"Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position
to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The
nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun
once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized
"Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun
went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look
up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish" "Me first! Me
first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a
speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. "Me next! Me
next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the
beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and
the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says
to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office
after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say. -Love this
one!!!
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,
" Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow
answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the
top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're
packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found
that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of
the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of
the tree.
Moral of the story: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.
Class Dismissed