British Humor

oldskydog

Well Known Member
Supporting Member 10
British Humor


1. I was invited to a British party last night and was told to dress to kill.
Apparently, a turban, beard and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind.

2. After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, John woke up to find himself
next to a really ugly woman. That’s when he realized he had made it home
safely.

3. Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Para-Olympics after
they tested positive for WD40.

4. A teenage boy asks his granny: “Have you seen my pills? They were
labelled LSD?” Granny replies: ” The hell with the pills, did you see the
dragons in the kitchen?”

5. Wife gets naked and asks hubby: “What turns you on more, my pretty face
or my sexy body?” Hubby looks her up and down and replies: “Your sense of
humor!” (Hospital visiting hours are 5:00 to 6:00.)

6. A chap’s wife’s is back on the warpath again. She was up for making a
sex movie last night, and all he did was suggest they should hold auditions
for her part. (His viewing will be Saturday from 7:00 till 8:30.)

7. I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

8. I woke up this morning at 9:00 and could sense something was wrong. I
got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not
breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered
McDonalds serves breakfast until 10:30.

9. My missus packed my bag and as I walked out the front door. She screamed: “I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!” I replied: “Oh, so now you
want me to stay!”

10. Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. When we went to the
fair last night it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

11. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I’d slept with. I told
her: “Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!” (The doctor says I
should be able to see again in about ten days. The broken arm will take
about a month.)​
 
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