I had no idea where to put this.
- Thread starter Junkman 104
- Start date
A tomato family is walking down the road, baby tomato falls behind, daddy tomato goes back, smacks him on the head, and says Ketchup......
55Brodie
Well Known Member
Thank you, Uma Thurman.
Junkman 104
Well Seasoned Member
Dave you could probably go on America's got talent show as a stand up comedian, well maybe not since your leg is screwed up for a while!!!!
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Subject:Love is a Many Splendored Thing...
>
>
>
>
>
> A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me" Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.
>
> After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note…
>
> After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone... "She's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy french nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like.”
>
> He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.
>
> She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote..."I can see your feet. We're outta bread: be back in five minutes.”
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Subject:Love is a Many Splendored Thing...
>
>
>
>
>
> A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me" Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.
>
> After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note…
>
> After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone... "She's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy french nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like.”
>
> He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.
>
> She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote..."I can see your feet. We're outta bread: be back in five minutes.”
>
>
>
I DO ALL MY OWN STUNTS, BUT NEVER INTENTIONALLY..................
55Brodie
Well Known Member
The French have no sense of humor. They think Jerry Lewis was a genius.
Junky
Well Known Member
$8.99The Charmin Forever Roll
Up to ONE Month Supply of Charmin Ultra Soft for Your Home! Comes with a Moneyback Guarantee. Depending on how many women there are in the household, it might not even make it a day! It cost $8.99 per roll...
Have I got this right?
>
>
> In CA It's against the law for a restaurant to offer me a plastic straw… but it's OK for Starbucks to serve drinks in a plastic cup & it's OK for me to use plastic Keurig & coffee pods & buy tons of plastic water bottles.
>
> It’s against the law for a grocery store to give me a micro-thin plastic bag for free, but it’s okay for them to sell me a plastic bag for a few pennies - that's 20 times as thick.
>
> CA is gonna fine citizens billions a year for not having health insurance & paying for their own medical care, but they're going to provide free health care/insurance for those in the country illegally.
>
> In CA we provide a driver license to people in the country illegally & you can list yas “X”… but I have to bring my original birth certificate, social security card, plus two utility bills to get my Real CA driver's license so I can use it to board a plane - since the Federal government no longer recognizes regular CA licenses.
>
> It’s OK for a homeless person to build a house next to the river out of plywood & tarps on property they don't own - but I have to pull a permit & pay fees to have an inspection, if I do something as simple as replacing a window on my own property.
>
> In San Francisco they provide free Safe Drug Centers for heroin addicts to shoot up under a nurse & supervision & provide new needles (also plastic), but it's going to be against the law for adults to Vape.
>
> In San Francisco it's OK to crap on the street - but it's against the law to spit.
>
> California requires immunizations for its citizens, but not for illegal aliens; so a bunch of eradicated illnesses are coming back - but they don't care about that.
>
> Also, you'll be fined if your dog poops & you don't clean it up; but if you poop on the sidewalk, it's OK!
>
>
> In CA It's against the law for a restaurant to offer me a plastic straw… but it's OK for Starbucks to serve drinks in a plastic cup & it's OK for me to use plastic Keurig & coffee pods & buy tons of plastic water bottles.
>
> It’s against the law for a grocery store to give me a micro-thin plastic bag for free, but it’s okay for them to sell me a plastic bag for a few pennies - that's 20 times as thick.
>
> CA is gonna fine citizens billions a year for not having health insurance & paying for their own medical care, but they're going to provide free health care/insurance for those in the country illegally.
>
> In CA we provide a driver license to people in the country illegally & you can list yas “X”… but I have to bring my original birth certificate, social security card, plus two utility bills to get my Real CA driver's license so I can use it to board a plane - since the Federal government no longer recognizes regular CA licenses.
>
> It’s OK for a homeless person to build a house next to the river out of plywood & tarps on property they don't own - but I have to pull a permit & pay fees to have an inspection, if I do something as simple as replacing a window on my own property.
>
> In San Francisco they provide free Safe Drug Centers for heroin addicts to shoot up under a nurse & supervision & provide new needles (also plastic), but it's going to be against the law for adults to Vape.
>
> In San Francisco it's OK to crap on the street - but it's against the law to spit.
>
> California requires immunizations for its citizens, but not for illegal aliens; so a bunch of eradicated illnesses are coming back - but they don't care about that.
>
> Also, you'll be fined if your dog poops & you don't clean it up; but if you poop on the sidewalk, it's OK!
No relation by the way. I guess the term, "stiff as a board" comes into this too?
