My company (me) has not worked in a month. With the Operating Rooms shut down for elective cases, I do not work. The PPP is out of money but my bank says they will resubmit if it is funded again. My wife is manning the machine that takes over for the lungs by draining the blood from the patient, pumping it thru an oxygenator and returning it to the patient. The procedure is called ECMO (Extra Corporeal Membrane Oxygenation). This is an extreme effort to aid in clearing the lungs (if they are capable) to a "normal" function. My wife has provided this support, along with other perfusionists, for what is now 8 patients on ECMO. Karin has put in 48 hours this week on Covid patients. She shares in this care with a host of other medical professionals that make their own sacrifices to care for these people.
I'm not sure if this is the venue for this, but one of the RN's my wife works with wrote this poem below. This little gal is 3 years out of Nursing School and to be married this summer if she can still have a formal wedding ceremony. While a lot of us are fighting to stay afloat, we still should be thankful for all that we DO have. This lockdown sucks and in my mind is an exercise in control by our local government and health officials, that I'm really pissed about. But that's another story. If the moderators feel that this post is inappropriate, please take it down. I get it.
Here's the poem written after a night shift:
You Don’t Even Know
By Jessica Cicerchia
RN, BSN Yale New Haven Hospital
CTICU/COVID ICU
I cannot sleep because I am afraid
Knowing that it’s up to me to bring them aid.
I push away the nightmares that plague my mind,
keeping them locked away and buried inside.
Stepping through the doors to see the list
of the growing covid patients, I reminisce
of months ago when I didn’t think
that our lovely unit would ever sink.
I get my assignment, oh what a shock
I’m in an ECMO/Covid room till seven oclock.
Now I begin by doning my gear
Hoping to prevent “it” from coming near.
Gown, booties, and gloves to start
I pause as I feel my heart
racing inside because I know
I will reuse my N95 for the second day in a row.
You Don’t Even Know
Into the room I begin my day
always making time to pray
for my patients and their families all the same
For I might be the last one who hears their name
Away the night nurse goes
Leaving me, my paper, and who else knows
to fight this invisible fight
with all my strength and all my might.
Scanning the room, in my view
are Nimbex, Versed, and ECMO too.
And there lies before me a very young man
Paralyzed, sedated, he knows not the plan.
He relies on me to assess.
From head to toe, I must address
all problems I see, great and small
because there is no one else at all.
You Don’t Even Know
Alarms begin to ring and I look at the screen.
Low Flow alarms appear on my machine.
Yet there I stand in the loud room,
praying for someone to come to my rescue.
His heart rate starts dropping
headed towards stopping.
Thankful to see my perfusionist’s face
peeking his head in the window, with such grace.
Giving his advice we talk through the door
All the time wishing I could have more.
So scared by myself, but this I know
he will come to my rescue if we lose flow.
Standing in a room all alone
They look through the window, but you’re on your own.
With a work phone in hand and my stand of drips
Tears fall from my eyes and prayers from my lips.
You Don’t Even Know
Later in the day when things get bad,
I rely on my nurses when I am sad.
Holding this man's life in my hand
How could anyone really understand?
My charge nurse comes to my rescue,
but she's had herself a day too.
Being pushed and pulled in a million ways
I’m thankful for her on these tough days.
Seven o’clock comes and I scatter to get
the room together and I realize the sweat
Down my forehead and down my back.
I have yet to leave my room for even a snack.
I realized I only left the room at half past two
for a thirty minute break, boy was I overdue.
There I sat and ate my lunch
Who knew this covid would pack such a punch
You Don’t Even Know
Realizing I only peed once this shift
Who knew the bathroom was such a gift.
Yet through it all, my faith stands true
To a God who loves me and will get us through.
His promises are firm and his faithfulness is tested
Just look at my life and prayers requested.
While we don’t know how long this will last
My God is the same God of today and the past.
Leaving work, I drive home in shock
and facetime my fiance at nine oclock.
I miss him as we’ve been apart for weeks
But we know this is smart and is one of our techniques.
Now the day is finally done
and this may have just begun.
But we will make it, this I know
for the Bible tells me so!
And Yet You Still Don’t Even Know
