Low Stress

oldskydog

Well Known Member
Supporting Member 9
#1
If you need a translation ask Phill, He speaks Ozark.​
Studies have demonstrated that rednecks have the lowest stress rate because they do not understand the seriousness of most medical terminology.
Medical Term
Redneck Definition

Artery
- The study of paintings
Bacteria
- Back door to cafeteria
Barium
- What doctors do when patients die
Benign
- What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section
- A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan
- Searching for Kitty
Cauterize
- Made eye contact with her
Colic
- A sheep dog
Coma
- A punctuation mark
Dilate
- To live long
Enema
- Not a friend
Fester
- Quicker than someone else
Fibula
-A small lie
Impotent
-Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain
-Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff
-A Doctor's cane
Morbid
-A higher offer
Nitrates
-Rates of Pay for Working at Night,
Normally more money than Days
Node
-I knew it
Outpatient
- A person who has fainted
Pelvis
- Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative
- A letter carrier
Recovery Room
- Place to do upholstery
Rectum
- Nearly killed him
Secretion
- Hiding something
Seizure
- Roman Emperor
Tablet
- A small table
Terminal Illness
-Getting sick at the airport
Tumor
- One plus one more
Urine
-Opposite of you're out
 
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oleblu72

Well Known Member
Supporting Member 1
#3
I understood one real good, Enema is "NOT" your friend!

I haven't had the pleasure of one of those yet but in 1975 I got a case of pneumonia and my roommate got one everyday I was scared $hitless because I thought I was next, that's what he gets for telling his doctor he has chest pains. :D

And you can add another to you Redneck list and that would be the word Senile . A drinking buddy of mine brought this one to light one night. We had this one ole boy that had a small fab shop in our town and his name was Rudy and Rudy was known to tip a few with us and then we'd get to ask him about his adventures during the Korean war. But one day we were having a beer fest after a day of work at the garage and we got talking about Rudy and aforementioned friend said you know I think Rudy's getting senile so I asked him why do you say that Jim and then he says because everything he does he has to put his glass's on.:drop I $hit you not.

Mark
 
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Iowa 409 Guy

Well Seasoned Member
Supporting Member 10
#4
I understood one real good, Enema is "NOT" your friend!
When I got home from the hospital after my motorcycle wreck I was talking hydrocodone. They neglected to tell me how bad it binds you up. I'm not sure if being bound up was worse that the pain from the accident or not, but I was taking everything I could find to loosen things up. Damn
 

409newby

Well Known Member
Supporting Member 9
#5
Same here Dave had two different doctors prescribe the same, neither said to take a stool softener the wife had a good time giving me an enema witch didnt work, got some colonoscopy prep took a while but I eventually blew mud for about 1/2 hr What a relief
 
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skipxt4

Well Seasoned Member
Supporting Member 14
#7
Since we're on this subject. check out this guy on YouTube. Jack Vale. Farting in Wal-Mart, Target and on the beach, and in elevators. :laughVery Funny Shit. :laugh2 With all the dangers, in the world, people are afraid of Farts.:laughing
 

oleblu72

Well Known Member
Supporting Member 1
#8
Here you go Skip this is a favorite of mine. Notice the last guy in the elevator he's in total wonderment over the whole situation and the kids are always good for a laugh when someone cuts one.:laugh2


Mark
 

Iowa 409 Guy

Well Seasoned Member
Supporting Member 10
#9
Same here Dave had two different doctors prescribe the same, neither said to take a stool softener the wife had a good giving me an enema witch didnt work, got some colonoscopy prep took a while but I eventually blew mud for about 1/2 hr What a relief
I think those a$$holes at the hospital have a good laugh every time someone on painkillers is discharged knowing what will happen. Bastards could let people know, they have papers for everything else.
 

skipxt4

Well Seasoned Member
Supporting Member 14
#11
I had a lower GI Series, back in the 80's. After they pulled the cork, out of my ass, they told me "you can use the men's room, across the hall. You can stay, as long as you need ."As I left the room, I mumbled to myself, " I'm Fricken out of here, lady":roll:roll:roll Yeah, that's what I thought. I sat on that toilet for at least 30 minutes. Everytime, I stood up, more Gas and Barium came out of me.:laugh2 I farted so bad, and loud, people walking down the corridor's were laughing. I was embarrassing myself.:dohWhen I finally finished, I was physically and mentally exhausted.:confused I put my clothes on, and staggered out where my Wife and Dad were waiting. My wife asked me, "what was going on, in there. I heard alot of people laughing":doh
 
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