They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins!

Junky

Well Known Member
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:
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Scoutsare saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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The Fasting Prayer Conference includes meals
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM ... The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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And this one just about sums them all up

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
 

chuckl

Well Known Member
When my son was about 2 years old, we took him to a particularly long service during Easter. As the Bishop, dressed in all his colorful finery, wearing the very ornate miter and carrying his shepherd's staff, proceeded down the aisle; my son was in awe and asked, timidly, "Is that God?" Evidently, someone in the Bishop's entourage heard his comments. We got a letter from the Bishop, who said: "No, young man I am not God but I talk to him several times a day." That was decades ago, but we still get a kick out of it. :bow :bow
 

Fuzz1957

Well Known Member
Probably heard this before.

Little boy “Dave” was looking at all the plaques in the hallway outside the church sanctuary. The minister noticed a curious look on the boy’s face as he approached and stopped next to the boy. The minister asked the boy if he had a question. The boy asked the minister what all the plaques with names on them were? The minister replied, “those are the names of people who died in the service.” The little boy replied, “which one? - the 9 o’clock or 11 o’clock?”

Fuzz

MAGA
 
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