Life at the senior center. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent). 
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Phil and Cecil from the retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when Cecil turns to Phil and says:
"Phil, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Phil says, "I feel just like a new born baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
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Bo shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool..
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."
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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
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Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, the young lady found Ronnie already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet. He insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let her wheel him to the elevator. On the way down the new nurse asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
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Robert, a senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy, Tommy:
"So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope ! "
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"
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Three old guys are out walking.
Roy, "Windy, isn't it?"
Denny says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Jim K. says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
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DQ was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
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One more. . .!
Tom, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."
______________________________________________________________
Phil and Cecil from the retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when Cecil turns to Phil and says:
"Phil, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Phil says, "I feel just like a new born baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
______________________________________________________________
Bo shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool..
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."
______________________________________________________________
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
______________________________________________________________
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, the young lady found Ronnie already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet. He insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let her wheel him to the elevator. On the way down the new nurse asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
______________________________________________________________
Robert, a senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy, Tommy:
"So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope ! "
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"
______________________________________________________________
Three old guys are out walking.
Roy, "Windy, isn't it?"
Denny says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Jim K. says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
______________________________________________________________
DQ was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
______________________________________________________________
One more. . .!
Tom, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."
Dick and Robert were sitting in the rec room playing checkers. All of a sudden, Robert starts squirming around, and moving his butt off the bench. His buddy Dick, asks him what's wrong. Oh, I haven't gone to the bathroom in four days, I think I'm constipated. Why don't you get that pretty blond haired nurse, to give you an ene-ma. Robert sat there sadly for a while, and then blurted out " oh she died, when I was just a kid "
