A little help needed
- Thread starter roger c
- Start date
WHAT IS THIS A JOKE ?????? 
roger c
Well Known Member
Senior Sex
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
roger c
Well Known Member
THE VERY BEST "Little Johnny Joke" I have ever heard!!!
The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on
salesmanship to the class.
Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout Cookies and I made $30" she said
proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and
I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good", said the teacher.
Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and I
explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."
"That's excellent, Debbie", said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box
full of cash on the teacher's desk.
"$2,467!", he said.
"$2,467?" cried the teacher. "What in the world were you selling?"
"Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes?!?!", echoed the teacher. "How could you possibly sell enough
toothbrushes to make that much money?"
"Well......I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny. "I set
up a "Dip & Chip" stand and I gave everybody who walked by a Free Sample."
They all said the same thing.........."Hey, this tastes like dog poop!"
Then I would say, "It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
"I used the "President Obama Method" of giving you some crap, dressing it up
so it looks good, telling you it's free and then making you pay to get the
bad taste out of your mouth."
The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on
salesmanship to the class.
Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout Cookies and I made $30" she said
proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and
I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good", said the teacher.
Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and I
explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."
"That's excellent, Debbie", said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box
full of cash on the teacher's desk.
"$2,467!", he said.
"$2,467?" cried the teacher. "What in the world were you selling?"
"Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes?!?!", echoed the teacher. "How could you possibly sell enough
toothbrushes to make that much money?"
"Well......I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny. "I set
up a "Dip & Chip" stand and I gave everybody who walked by a Free Sample."
They all said the same thing.........."Hey, this tastes like dog poop!"
Then I would say, "It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
"I used the "President Obama Method" of giving you some crap, dressing it up
so it looks good, telling you it's free and then making you pay to get the
bad taste out of your mouth."
roger c
Well Known Member
HARDER THAN I THOUGHT.
THE ANSWERS WERE ON THE TIP OF MY TONGUE.
I REMEMBERED, BUT...
DON'T LOOK BELOW FOR THE ANSWERS UNTIL YOU HAVE TRIED IT OUT A TEST FOR 'OLDER' KIDS.
I was picky who I sent this to. It had to be those who might actually remember. So have some fun my sharp-witted friends. This is a test for us 'older kids'! The answers are printed below, (after the questions) but don't cheat! answer them first.....
01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind?________________.
02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. .In early 1964, we all watched them on The _______________ Show.
03. 'Get your kicks, __________________.'
04. 'The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to
___________________.'
05. 'In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________.'
06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we 'danced' under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the '_____________.'
07. Nestle's makes the very best _______________.'
08. Satchmo was America 's 'Ambassador of Goodwill.' Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.
09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______________.
10. Red Skeleton's hobo character was named __________________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, 'Good Night, and '________ ________... '
11.Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their ______________.
12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ___________&_______________.
13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, 'the day the music died.' This was a tribute to ___________________.
14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called ___________________.
15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the __ ______________.
16. Remember LS/MFT_____ _____/_____ _____ _____?
17. Hey Kids! What time is it? It's _____ ______ _____!
18. Who knows what secrets lie in the hearts of men? The _____ Knows!
19. There was a song that came out in the 60's that was "a grave yard smash" it's name was the ______ ______!
20. Alka Seltzer used a "boy with a tablet on his head" as
it's Logo/Representative.
What was the boys name? ________
ANSWERS:
01.The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02. The Ed Sullivan Show
03. On Route 66
04.To protect the innocent.
05.The Lion Sleeps Tonight
06. The limbo
07. Chocolate
08. Louis Armstrong
09. The Timex watch
10. Freddy, The Freeloader and 'Good Night and God Bless.'
11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned. Not flags, as some have guessed)
12. Beetle or Bug
13. Buddy Holly
14. Sputnik
15. Hoola-hoop
16. Lucky Strike/Means Fine Tobacco
17. Howdy Doody Time
18. Shadow
19. Monster Mash
20. Speedy
I REMEMBERED, BUT...
DON'T LOOK BELOW FOR THE ANSWERS UNTIL YOU HAVE TRIED IT OUT A TEST FOR 'OLDER' KIDS.
I was picky who I sent this to. It had to be those who might actually remember. So have some fun my sharp-witted friends. This is a test for us 'older kids'! The answers are printed below, (after the questions) but don't cheat! answer them first.....
01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind?________________.
02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. .In early 1964, we all watched them on The _______________ Show.
03. 'Get your kicks, __________________.'
04. 'The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to
___________________.'
05. 'In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________.'
06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we 'danced' under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the '_____________.'
07. Nestle's makes the very best _______________.'
08. Satchmo was America 's 'Ambassador of Goodwill.' Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.
09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______________.
10. Red Skeleton's hobo character was named __________________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, 'Good Night, and '________ ________... '
11.Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their ______________.
12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ___________&_______________.
13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, 'the day the music died.' This was a tribute to ___________________.
14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called ___________________.
15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the __ ______________.
16. Remember LS/MFT_____ _____/_____ _____ _____?
17. Hey Kids! What time is it? It's _____ ______ _____!
18. Who knows what secrets lie in the hearts of men? The _____ Knows!
19. There was a song that came out in the 60's that was "a grave yard smash" it's name was the ______ ______!
20. Alka Seltzer used a "boy with a tablet on his head" as
it's Logo/Representative.
What was the boys name? ________
ANSWERS:
01.The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02. The Ed Sullivan Show
03. On Route 66
04.To protect the innocent.
05.The Lion Sleeps Tonight
06. The limbo
07. Chocolate
08. Louis Armstrong
09. The Timex watch
10. Freddy, The Freeloader and 'Good Night and God Bless.'
11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned. Not flags, as some have guessed)
12. Beetle or Bug
13. Buddy Holly
14. Sputnik
15. Hoola-hoop
16. Lucky Strike/Means Fine Tobacco
17. Howdy Doody Time
18. Shadow
19. Monster Mash
20. Speedy
roger c
Well Known Member
A redneck with a bucket full of live fish, was approached recently by a game warden in Texas as he started to drive his boat away from a lake. The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?" "Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish!?!?"
"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."
"What a line of baloney....you're under arrest."
The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment man. I'll show ya!
We do this all the time!!"
"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"
The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"
"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.
The warden asked, "When are you going to call em back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH," replied the warden!
"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as some government employees.
"Pet fish!?!?"
"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."
"What a line of baloney....you're under arrest."
The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment man. I'll show ya!
We do this all the time!!"
"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"
The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"
"Well, WHUT?" said the redneck.
The warden asked, "When are you going to call em back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH," replied the warden!
"Whut fish?" asked the redneck.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as some government employees.