I know...St Patrick's day is tomorrow.
========================================
Happy St Patricks Day
Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig oraibh go léir.
Warmest greetings to my Irish friends around the world on this St. Patricks Day
________________________________________
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking
like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is
in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and
bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little ****, O'Conner," says Sean, "he couldn't
do that to you, he must have had something in his
hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he
had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended
yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy... "Mrs. O'Conner's
breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless
in a fight."
===============================================
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. "There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me.."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
==================================================
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'
================================================== ==
AND THE BEST FOR LAST
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sits there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin; there's no paper on this side either"....
Happy St. Patrick's Day
========================================
Happy St Patricks Day
Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig oraibh go léir.
Warmest greetings to my Irish friends around the world on this St. Patricks Day
________________________________________
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking
like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is
in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and
bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little ****, O'Conner," says Sean, "he couldn't
do that to you, he must have had something in his
hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he
had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended
yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy... "Mrs. O'Conner's
breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless
in a fight."
===============================================
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. "There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me.."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
==================================================
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'
================================================== ==
AND THE BEST FOR LAST
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sits there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin; there's no paper on this side either"....
Happy St. Patrick's Day
I was going to post those and then thought I had better read some of the others before I posted...
Good job...