Old news Phil,,, You can do better then that,,, I know you can,,,
I have been trying to stay away from this subject but I can't resists this. Let me see if I can do a little better.
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber
replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you;
I'm doing community service this week." The florist is
pleased and leaves the shop.
Next morning when the barber goes to open his shop
there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting
for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes
to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry,
I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community
service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the
shop.
Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is
a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at
his door.
Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he
goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm
sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing
community service this week." The Republican is very
happy and leaves the shop.
Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a
thank you card and a dozen different books such as
"How to Improve Your Business" and "Becoming More
Successful."
Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he
goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm
sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing
community service this week." The Democrat is very
happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up,
there are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a
free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental
difference between left and right...
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>
>
> I bought a new Lexus 350 and returned to the dealer the next day
> because I couldn't get the radio to work. The salesman explained that
> the radio was voice activated.
>
> "Nelson," the salesman said to the radio.
>
> The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"
>
> "Willie!" he continued and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.
>
> Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind"
> replaced Willie Nelson.
>
> I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say,
> "Beethoven," I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said,
> "Beatles," I'd get one of their awesome songs.
>
> Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, bu t
> I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, "*** Holes!"
>
> Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda
> and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks,
> with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica,
> Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax
> and Ted Kennedy on scotch.
>
> Damn, I LOVE this car!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Hillary Clinton called Bill into her office one day and said, 'Bill,
> I have a great idea! I know how we can win back middle America and secure
> my presidential victory in 2008'.
>
> 'Great, but how do you propose we go about that, asked Bill? Well,
> Hillary responded, we'll go down to a local Wal-Mart, get some cheezy
> clothes and shoes like most middle Americans wear and then we'll stop at the pound and pick
> up a Labrador.
>
> When we look the part we'll go to a nice old country bar in middle
> America, and we'll show them that we really enjoy the Countryside
> and show admiration and respect for the hard working people living there".
>
> A few days later, all decked out and with the requisite Labrador at
> heel, they set off from New York in a westerly direction. Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for.
>
>
> With dog in tow they walk into the bar. They stepped up to the bar,the
> Bartender took a step back and said, " aren't you Bill and Hillary Clinton
> ?" Hillary answered, "yes we are, and what a lovely town you have
> here. We were just passing through and Bill suggested that we stop
> and take in some local color."
>
> They then ordered a couple of cocktails from the bartender and
> proceed to
> drink them down, all the while chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.
>
> All of a sudden, the bar room door opens and a grizzled old farmer comes
> in. He walked up to the Labrador, lifted its tail and looked underneath,
> shrugged his shoulders and walked out the door. A few moments later,
> in came another old farmer. He walked up to the dog, lifted its tail,
> looked underneath, scratched his head and then left the bar.
>
> Over the course of the next hour or so, anoth er four or five farmers
> came in, lifted the dog's tail, and went away looking puzzled.
>
> Eventually Hillary and Bill could stand it no longer and called the
> bartender over. 'Tell me' said Hillary, 'why did all those old farmers
> come in and look under the dog's tail like that? Is it some sort of old custom?'
>
> 'Good Lord no,' said the bartender. 'Its just that someone has told them that there was
> a Labrador in this bar with two a$$holes!".
Enjoy
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