BREAKING NEWS
Washington, DC (AP) -- Congress today announced that
the office of the President of the United States of America
will be outsourced to India as of August 31, 2007.
The move is being made in order to save the President's
$500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 Billion in
deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has
incurred during the last 5 years.
"We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings
are huge," stated Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi
(D-CA). "We cannot remain competitive on the world
stage with the current level of cash outlay", Pelosi
noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his
termination. Preparations for the job move have been
underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai , India will
assume the office of President as of August 1, 2007.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian
parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY, thus
making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary
of $320 (USD) a month but no health coverage or other
benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff.
Due to the time difference between the US and India , he
will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the
US Government will be open.
"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the
Dell Computer call center," stated Mr. Singh in an
exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I
always hoped I would be President."
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh
may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the
office of President, this should not be a
problem as President Bush had never been familiar with the
issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to
respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these
canned responses, he can address common concerns
without having to understand the underlying issue at all.
"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokes-
person. "President Bush has used them successfully for
years, with the result that some people actually
thought he knew what he was talking about."
Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary
until his final day of employment. Following a two week
waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week
unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be
eligible for
Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the
allowed limit. Mr. Bush has been provided the
outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him
write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in
securing a new position due to a lack of any successful
work experience during his lifetime.
A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to
Bush's extensive experience at shaking hands, as well as his
special smile
Washington, DC (AP) -- Congress today announced that
the office of the President of the United States of America
will be outsourced to India as of August 31, 2007.
The move is being made in order to save the President's
$500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 Billion in
deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has
incurred during the last 5 years.
"We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings
are huge," stated Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi
(D-CA). "We cannot remain competitive on the world
stage with the current level of cash outlay", Pelosi
noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his
termination. Preparations for the job move have been
underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai , India will
assume the office of President as of August 1, 2007.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian
parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY, thus
making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary
of $320 (USD) a month but no health coverage or other
benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff.
Due to the time difference between the US and India , he
will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the
US Government will be open.
"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the
Dell Computer call center," stated Mr. Singh in an
exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I
always hoped I would be President."
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh
may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the
office of President, this should not be a
problem as President Bush had never been familiar with the
issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to
respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these
canned responses, he can address common concerns
without having to understand the underlying issue at all.
"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokes-
person. "President Bush has used them successfully for
years, with the result that some people actually
thought he knew what he was talking about."
Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary
until his final day of employment. Following a two week
waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week
unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be
eligible for
Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the
allowed limit. Mr. Bush has been provided the
outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him
write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in
securing a new position due to a lack of any successful
work experience during his lifetime.
A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to
Bush's extensive experience at shaking hands, as well as his
special smile
