Farmer and the old lady

Dick MacKenzie

Well Known Member
Supporting Member 9
This is an old one but I still got a chuckle from it.
_________________________________________

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They
couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk
home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a
bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked
up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store
he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who
told him she was lost.

She asked, “Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?”

The farmer said, “Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that
house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.”

The old lady suggested, “Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket.
Carry the bucket in one hand; put a chicken under each arm and carry the
goose in your other hand?''

“Why thank you very much,” he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he said, “Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be
there in no time.”

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, “I am a lonely widow
without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the
alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, have your way
with me?”

The farmer said, “Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, and a gallon of
paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you
up against the wall and do that?”

The old lady replied, “Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the
paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.”

:roll
 

walkerheaders

Well Known Member
Supporting Member 6
that reminds me of an old one...........

a young guy buys an old farm with no livestock.
so he first figures he needs chickens and eggs. asks the farmer next door to sell him a few young hens. the neighbor replies: "around here we call 'em pulletts."
he's walking with his pullet, when he figures he needs a young rooster......
next farm down the lane he stops and introduces himself to his new neighbor and inquires for a rooster. the old guy told him......"around here, we call 'em cocks."
he's happy with his new purchase and friends, walking back to his farm when he spots a donkey for sale. introduces himself to another new neighbor and wants to buy the donkey. old farmers reply...."around here, we dont call it a donkey, we call it an ***."
"this one can be real stubborn sometimes". "but if you scratch him gently on his hind quarters, you can get him to move."
so he's heading home and going along fine until they get to the road. sure enough, the donkey stalls dead center of the roadway. would'nt you know here comes a young lady in a convertable and she wants to pass. some time goes by and the donkey just wont move. she finally gets impatient and gets out to help.
"Can you please move that donkey!"
"Miss, i.ve tried everything." then he remembers what the old farmer said and exclaims...."I know what will work but i need your help." she replies, "how can i help?, i am late already."
he replies, "come over here," "you can hold my **** and pullet while i scratch my ***"
 
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