I had no idea where to put this.

Junky

Well Known Member
Moishe

For 30 years every day old Moishe ate at "Abe's Kosher Delicatessen".

Old Moishe was an honored guest and had his own reserved stool at the counter. He was loved by everyone and was generous to all the servers and staff. Abe, the owner loved Moishe too.

One day Moishe didn't show at his regular time. Abe was worried a bit as he realized Old Moishe was a widower and lived alone but then got busy and forgot about Moishe's absence.

The next day...no Moishe....now Abe was worried... he phoned Moishe's number and got no answer. He even called a few local hospitals and even called Moishe's daughter in Israel to no avail. Abe couldn't sleep that night wondering what had happened.

Next day again no Moishe!

Now Abe was really concerned and just as he was about to call the cops and 911 he glanced out the window and saw Moishe going into "Goldberg's Deli" across the street.

Abe took off out the door and raced across the street narrowly missing getting hit by a bus and confronted Moishe just as he was sitting down.

Abe screamed, "Where the hell have you been! I lost sleep and spent good money phoning around about you and what are you doing here at Goldberg's.....you know he's my worst enemy! Explain to me Moishe!!!!!"

Moishe looked at Abe and said calmly, "Settle down Abraham, settle down, you'll be having a heart attack. I'll be telling you what happened okay. I went to the dentist 3 days ago and had one of those root canals. Oy the pain!

The dentist gave me some pills and said: Moishe, for a few days eat on the other side'!"
 

Dick MacKenzie

Well Known Member
Supporting Member 9
That's life...
103 passengers and only 40 meals were loaded on a flight from Bogota to Miami
The crew didn't know what to do
However, the booth boss had an idea. After about 30 minutes of flight, she nervously announced:
- “I don't know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers and only 40 dinners."
Then she added:
- ′′ Anyone who is gentle and kind-hearted enough to give their food to another person will receive free, unlimited drinks and liquor throughout the flight.
Her next announcement came two hours later:
- “If anyone wants to change their minds, we still have 40 meals available”
Moral:
Drunks have a big heart!!
 

Dick MacKenzie

Well Known Member
Supporting Member 9
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Iowa 409 Guy

Well Seasoned Member
Supporting Member 15
So I am at Walmart scanning and bagging my groceries while the employee that wants $15 an hour "monitors" and then this happened.

Her - why are you double bagging all of your groceries?
Me - excuse me?
Her - you are wasting our bags!
Me - if you don't like the way I'm bagging the groceries, feel free to come on over here and bag them yourself.
Her - that's not my job!
Me - okay, then I will bag my groceries how I please if that's all right with you.
Her - why are you using two bags?!
Me - because the bags are weak and I don't want the handles to break or the bottoms to rip out.
Her - well that's because you are putting too much stuff in the bag. If you took half of that stuff out and put it in a different bag then you wouldn't need to double bag.

*10 seconds of me just staring at her.
Me - so you want me to split these items in half and put half of them in a different bag so that I don't have to double bag.
Her - exactly.
Me - so I would still be using two bags to hold the same number of items.
Her - no because you wouldn't be double bagging.
Me - okay so here I have a jug of milk and a bottle of juice double bagged. If I take the milk out and remove the double bagging and just put the milk in the single bag and the juice in that single bag I'm still using two bags for these two items.
Her- no because you are not double bagging them so it's not the same number of bags.

*me looking around at about 10 other customers who at this point are enjoying the show.
Me- is this like that Common Core math stuff I keep hearing about?
Her- never mind you just don't get it.

And with that, she went back to her little Podium so she could continue texting or playing games on her phone or whatever it was she was doing before she decided to come over and critique my bagging skills.
 
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