I had no idea where to put this.

[Iowa 409 Guy]

The price of honesty: Man killed on golf course!



A foursome of guys is waiting at the men's tee while a foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tee.

When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she duffs it 10 feet. Then she goes over and misses it completely. Then she hacks it another ten feet and finally hacks it another five feet.

She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically: "i guess all those f --- ing lessons i took over the winter didn't help.“



one of the men immediately responds: "well, there you have it. You should have taken golf lessons instead!"

he never even had a chance to duck. He was only 43.

 

[Phil Reed]

GOOD ONE DAVE!!!!!!! KUDOS!!!!

 

[Junky]

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.
"Hey, show us yer tits, ya bl...oody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."
Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"
Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?

 

[skipxt4]

 

[Junkman 104]

 

[bobs409]

I wonder if these ladies know wristpin?

 

[Phil Reed]

They are probably taking about his dates with him!!!!!!!

 

[bobs409]

They are probably taking about his dates with him!!!!!!!

That's what I was thinking. The one on the right might be his first wife.

 

[Iowa 409 Guy]

#2 on the left.

 

[IMBVSUR?]

I can only imagine with nursing homes becoming hot spots of coronavirus's, that Wristpins dating pool has dropped off significantly

 

[wristpin]

Ya all jealous! Three way is a three way!!

 

[skipxt4]

Looks like, you wore them out.

 

[Junkman 104]

 

[Junky]

During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.
The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable!
Eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.
He asked me if I had peaked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, chorused, "Happy Birthday!"

 

[IMBVSUR?]

 

[Junkman 104]

During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.
The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.
It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable!
Eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.
He asked me if I had peaked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, chorused, "Happy Birthday!"

Damn I don't think i'd had told all that!

 

[Junkman 104]

 

[Junky]

The Gunfighter............

 

[skipxt4]

What about the voice? Where did he go?

 

[JED]

I was working in the shop again today and this came to mind: