I had no idea where to put this.
- Thread starter Junkman 104
- Start date
Three nurses arrive at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter asks the first why he should admit her. She replies that she has been an emergency room nurse and has saved thousands and thousands of lives.
“Okay,” he says, “Come on in!”
The second reports that he has been an ICU nurse and he, too, has saved thousands and thousands of lives. St. Peter lets him in, too.
St. Peter asks the third nurse the same question.
She replies that she has been a managed care nurse and has saved thousands and thousands of dollars for the insurance company.
St. Peter replies, “Okay, come on in, but you can only stay three days.”
St. Peter asks the first why he should admit her. She replies that she has been an emergency room nurse and has saved thousands and thousands of lives.
“Okay,” he says, “Come on in!”
The second reports that he has been an ICU nurse and he, too, has saved thousands and thousands of lives. St. Peter lets him in, too.
St. Peter asks the third nurse the same question.
She replies that she has been a managed care nurse and has saved thousands and thousands of dollars for the insurance company.
St. Peter replies, “Okay, come on in, but you can only stay three days.”
Chief Forget-me-not
An Australian travel writer at the beginning of a 6-month tour of Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton, and as he paid his bill said to the manager, “By the way, what’s with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He’s been there ever since I arrived.”
“Oh that’s Big Chief Forget-me Not.” said the manager. “The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as ‘Big Chief Forget-me Not’because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest detail of his life.”
The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his cab decided to put the chief’s memory to the test.
“G’day, mate!” said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. “What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?”
“Eggs,” was the chief’s instant reply, without even looking up, and indeed the Aussie was impressed. He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the east coast and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget-me Not’s great memory.
One local noted to him that “How” was a more appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than “G’day mate.” So, on his return to the Vancouver Hilton six months later, the Aussie approached ‘Big Chief Forget-me Not’ still sitting in the lobby.
“How” said the Aussie to the Chief, who again did not stop to look up and just replied, “Scrambled!”
Yeah, I know... you saw it coming...so did I but it's still funny!
An Australian travel writer at the beginning of a 6-month tour of Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton, and as he paid his bill said to the manager, “By the way, what’s with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He’s been there ever since I arrived.”
“Oh that’s Big Chief Forget-me Not.” said the manager. “The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as ‘Big Chief Forget-me Not’because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest detail of his life.”
The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his cab decided to put the chief’s memory to the test.
“G’day, mate!” said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. “What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?”
“Eggs,” was the chief’s instant reply, without even looking up, and indeed the Aussie was impressed. He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the east coast and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget-me Not’s great memory.
One local noted to him that “How” was a more appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than “G’day mate.” So, on his return to the Vancouver Hilton six months later, the Aussie approached ‘Big Chief Forget-me Not’ still sitting in the lobby.
“How” said the Aussie to the Chief, who again did not stop to look up and just replied, “Scrambled!”
Yeah, I know... you saw it coming...so did I but it's still funny!
A pastor’s wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise.
After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher’s family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher’s expanding salary.
A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the clergyman’s additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.
After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, ‘Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us.
Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, ‘Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubber shoes.’
The entire congregation said, ‘Amen.’
After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher’s family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher’s expanding salary.
A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the clergyman’s additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.
After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, ‘Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us.
Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, ‘Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubber shoes.’
The entire congregation said, ‘Amen.’
Why is it when you call a motel booking agency or UPS or Brightspeed (phone) that a perfectly English speaking American voice gives you prompts to push 1, 3 ect and when you get to a live human they are in India, the Philippines or Guatemala or wherever and you cannot 1/2 understand them? If you get pissed and call the motel directly they cannot/will not match the price the bookie quoted. They would rather you pay someone else a lower price, and then give them a cut out of that than match that price and keep all of the proceeds for themselves. I'm just a dumb redneck from Missouri but I must be missing something here! I can count!
Jeff
Jeff
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